'Do you have a large pizza, but in smaller sizes?': 35+ Ridiculous things people overheard that left them laughing out loud

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Oct 7, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

Not everyone is an A+ student. And even some A+ students have moments of profound stupidity! These people overheard some ridiculous statements, and roughly 18,600 people weighed in with their own stories. 

It seems like a lot of people don't know basic animal facts. That's wild to me, because children's books are obsessed with making kids learn letters, numbers, and animals! How do you grow up to be an adult and not realize that pigs have teeth? I know some parents don't read to their kids, but don't they watch "Sesame Street" or something? We teach kids so much about animals, even if they don't live on a farm or whatever.

Other people seemed to struggle with knowing not just basic geography, but the difference between states and countries and cities. If you're like me, you had to memorize a map of the United States and their capital cities in the fourth grade. Then, once you memorized them for the quiz, you kind of just forgot about them. When a USA quiz recently went around, I failed it so bad. All that memory is gone… and now I, too, may find myself as baffled as the folks below. 

Check out these great anecdotes below. Then, check out this tale of a call center worker who got to hang up on their customer over and over---and their bosses backed them up on it. 

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  • 01
    Font - What is the dumbest thing you've ever heard somebody say? For me, it was when I was working at a pizzeria. One of my coworkers put a bunch of clean dishes in the dirty dish water. I was really confused as to why she did it. I asked her why and she said, "I needed more room for clean dishes." She got fired about a week later. Not for that specifically, just all the stupid things she had done.
    via u/add1ction
  • 02
    Font - tellevee In college, I was in a car accident with a 16-year- old girl. We were on a parkway and I had just merged into the far right-hand lane which was a turn-only lane. She was all the way over in the far left-lane, which was two lanes over from me. Suddenly, she cut across the lanes separating us and rammed into my drivers side door. We pulled over, ensured that we were both okay, assessed the damages and called the police.
    via u/tellevee
  • 03
    Font - The police officer was asking for both of our explanations. He turned to her first and asked, "What happened?" She said "Well, I looked over my left shoulder and I didn't see anyone so I went." The police officer stopped writing for a moment and said, "Wait. You looked over your left shoulder, didn't see anyone, so you cut across two lanes of traffic on your right?" She answered with a straight face, "Yes, sir." He just wrote it down as she said it but you could see the question marks for
    via u/tellevee
  • 04
    Font - madelynepryor I was at a restaurant with a few friends and this awkward teenage couple sits down at the table next to us. You can tell they're on their first date and the guy is visibly nervous and the girl looks like she feels a little awkward as well. They sit in silence for at least two whole minutes until the guy laughs and says, "Hey... wouldn't it be weird if you ate your phone?" The girls just stares at him and replies, "Yeah". More silence.
    via u/ madelynepryor
  • 05
    Font - o Lorientfo I got the following call earlier this week. Caller: Hi, can I speak to Frank please. (Frank being my grandfather who passed away at the weekend) Me: Er.. no sorry, I'm his grandson can I help at all? (I was thinking it might be a call about his medication) Caller: Yes, could you tell Frank that his death certificate is ready for collection. Me: o....k..... Didn't really know what to say after that bombshell.
    via u/Lorientfo
  • 06
    Font - heyletmeFTFY Not my story, but still my favorite. In high school, my friend was going to an R-rated movie with his girlfriend who had just turned 17. She was asked for her ID and said she didn't have it, so they went to a different movie. Later, she had her wallet out and he saw her driver's license in it. He said, "I thought you didn't have your ID." She said, "That's my old license. I was only 16 on that one."
    via u/heyletmeFTFY
  • 07
    Font - sonofa2. I've got 2, same person. Girl in her mid twenties. Her - "Eww, the pig has teeth." Me - "Well yeah, how'd you expect it to eat?" Her - "I thought they just smelt things and that's how they ate." While watching how it's made, they're making wooden kayaks. Her - "That won't float. Wood sinks." Me - "What do you think boats were made off 300 years ago?" Her - "I dunno."
    via u/sonofa2
  • 08
    Font - jostello88 A couple of my friends (who were all in college) were browsing at a Barnes & Noble and one of them was looking at a display that had military- type books on it. He was looking through them and saw books about the Air Force, Navy, Marines, etc. Then in a pretty idiotic moment he saw a book on submarines, and thinking it was some branch that was beneath the marines (sub- marines) that he had never heard of, a grown 20 year old man yelled across the store "HEY, WHAT'S A SUBMARINE?
    via u/jostello88
  • 09
    Product - nokandykid My coworker does not think reptiles are animals.
    via u/nokandykid
  • 10
    Product - KennelKrazy "Do you have a large pizza, but in smaller sizes?"
    via u/KennelKrazy
  • 11
    Font - Riesee This girl I know said, "I'm going to dye my hair red, so when I have kids their hair will be red too."
    via u/Riesee
  • 12
    Font - SovietPenguin Fire drill in high school, it was the middle of winter. On the way back inside when drill was over, some guy says "Why did we have a fire drill? It's too cold for there to be a fire."
    via u/SovietPenguin
  • 13
    Font - juicelee777 my roommate got into a debate with guy about vegetarianism. the dude arguing with my roommate said and i quote "I can eat fish. they don't count because they have no DNA"
    via u/juicelee777
  • 14
    Font - [deleted] Dude I know showed up at my house one day when a few guys were hanging out and told us he was hit by a car. When we asked him what happened he went on to say that a parked car that was poking out of its driveway onto the sidewalk had hit him. Despite our best efforts we COULD NOT get him to grasp his head around the fact that he walked into a parked car.
    via u/deleted
  • 15
    Font - MyBestFriendSteve. I've posted this somewhere before, but it seems pretty fitting. I was talking to my little sister (she's 15) about the sun just being a star which is closer to Earth. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, 'but, I thought the stars were just holes in the sky!'
    via u/MyBestFriendSteve
  • 16
    Font - huazzy Pharmacist friend of mine. Makes a 6 figure salary. Thought the moon and the sun were the same thing until late last year, I didn't know if she was serious. She was
    via u/huazzy
  • 17
    Font - c_is_4_cookie. TSA agent asked me: "Has anyone packed anything in your bag without your knowledge?"
    via u/c_is_4_cookie
  • 18
    Product - epandaman13 "Wait, Pearl Harbor actually happened? It wasn't just a movie?"
    via u/epandaman13
  • 19
    Font - BuddhaFields "Canada.... is that in California?"
    via u/BuddhaFields
  • 20
    Font - ErinAnne As a Vermonter, I've often heard the variation "Vermont? Oh, that's in upstate New York, right?".
    via u/ErinAnne
  • 21
    Gesture - adobolobo "The Titanic never happened, it was just a movie, you idiot"
    via u/adobolobo
  • 22
    Font - [deleted] My grandpa was notorious for saying things without thinking and was always generally just trying to P everyone off around him. One summer I was at his house swimming in his swimming pool in the backyard. He saw me jump off the diving board into the pool and I guess he found it inappropriate and yelled at me "GOD D BOY, YOU KNOW THAT DIVING BOARD AIN"T MEANT TO BE JUMPED OFF OF ಠ_ಠ
    via u/deleted
  • 23
    Font - [deleted] My mother's argument against gay marriage was that had existed around the time I was born, "I wouldn't be here." ...wf?
    via u/deleted
  • 24
    Font - everlong016 My college roommate's girlfriend was terribly afraid of turtles. The reason? She believed that if they bit you, they could never open their mouth again, and that you'd be forced to live your life with a turtle attached to you. I'm completely serious.
    via u/everlong016
  • 25
    Font - A girl I know thought horses laid eggs up until she was 18...
    via r/AskReddit
  • 26
    Font - Corvus333 swimming in the Caribbean with friends "Are we at sea level?"
    via u/Corvus333
  • 27
    Cheezburger Image 9820617728
    via u/yaredw
  • 28
    Cheezburger Image 9820618496
    via u/le_maple
  • 29
    Cheezburger Image 9820618240
    via u/bumblebee_tunaz
  • 30
    Cheezburger Image 9820617984
    via u/anjrou
  • 31
    Cheezburger Image 9820618752
    via u/likeBruceSpringsteen
  • 32
    Cheezburger Image 9820619264
    via u/toasted40s
  • 33
    Cheezburger Image 9820619008
    via u/ctchicken
  • 34
    Cheezburger Image 9820619520
    via u/OncaNegra
  • 35
    Cheezburger Image 9820620032
    via u/Timmehhertz
  • 36
    Cheezburger Image 9820619776
    via u/kelseyhr
  • 37
    Cheezburger Image 9820620288
    via u/sharkattax

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